


Loss and Memorial

by starprise_entership



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: I'm Sorry, Just lots of Angst, Lots of Angst, Multi, alternate universe/canon divergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-07 22:53:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14091474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starprise_entership/pseuds/starprise_entership
Summary: A war, a sacrifice, and a visit to a grave ten years later.





	1. Chapter 1

Ezri’s broken left hand shakes as she reaches under the limp body for the phaser and shoots the Jem’Hadar soldier without a second thought. Please be on kill setting, please be on kill setting, Ezri hopes, and her expectations are confirmed when the soldier crumples to the ground in a heap, just as her friend had a few seconds ago.

Gritting her teeth, Ezri ignores the sweat on her brow the pain in her hand flares when she tries to flip her friend over. The disruptor wound on his back sizzles, and Ezri knows he hasn’t got long.

“Julian,” Ezri begins, her tone urgent. “No, I–“ Ezri cuts herself off, sensing her own panic. “Are y-you in pain?”

Julian breathes shallowly, a hand resting limply on his stomach. “Not at all,” he says, his words coming out sluggish. “I think I’m going into shock.”

“We need to get you out of here. Out of the building.”

“I won’t make it, Ezri.”

“Where’s that optimism of yours gone?” Ezri chides. “Don’t you die on me, Julian, I swear that if you die on me I’ll-“

“Do what?” Julian gives a weak smile, his hand reaching for Ezri’s. Ezri takes his hand in her unbroken right hand and interlaces their fingers.

“I’ll just–well,” Ezri babbles, tongue-tied. “I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“Talk to me, Ezri.” Julian requests, softly.

“About what?” Ezri’s seen death many times before. Dax experienced it several times through its hosts. But every scenario is different, and it’s always a tragic loss.

“Ezri, please do promise me that Garak,” Julian starts, pausing to catch his breath, “that he doesn’t spend too long moping over me.”

“We’re all going to miss you.” Ezri returns. “Sorry. I don’t think–“

“That was appropriate?” Julian cuts in. “And you were the one who asked where my optimism went. I’m just stating the fact that it’s very likely that I’m not going to live much longer.”

“Hm.” Ezri releases her grip on Julian’s hand and moves up to stroke the side of his face. He’s gone pale and clammy, and his eyes seem to be staring at a point very far away.

“And soon the war will be over.” Ezri brings up again. “The Federation will be thanking you for finding the antidote to the Founders’ disease.”

“Given my complicated relationship with the Federation,” Julian points out, “I don’t think I’ll be receiving much in terms of congratulations.”

“We’ll all put in a good word for you, I swear.” Ezri promises. “Julian?”

“S-still here.” He’s struggling to take in every breath now, but he’s determined to make every second of the remainder of his life count.

“Ezri.” His eyes flicker up, meeting with Ezri’s. “I love you. You’ve been the best friend I could ever have.”

Ezri’s eyes well up with tears. “Love you too. And I’m trying not to cry because I want you to be happy and–“

“Tell Garak,” Julian begins, in a shaky breath. Ezri lowers her ear to his lips to catch the words but–

The words never come.

Ezri’s tears fall forth like pearls coming off a broken necklace. And when they land on her friend’s body, it’s a poignant reminder that Julian’s never coming back. Ezri reaches out and closes his lifeless eyes with her stinging, broken hand– damn it! _Damn you, Julian, for keeping me distracted for long enough to prevent me for calling for help! No, no. I shouldn’t be thinking about him in this tone of voice. I watched him die and I hope he’s at peace now, wherever he is._

“Is anyone there?” Kira’s voice rings loud and clear, down the corridor.

“It’s me, Ezri,” Ezri yells, but it comes out more as a strangled wail. Kira’s figure gets closer and closer and her flashlight illuminates the dark corridor. When she reaches Ezri, she audibly gasps when she sees the body Ezri cradles in her arms.

Then it all happens so quickly. The worst part of a death isn’t the death itself, but rather, it’s what comes after. She’s pulled away from Julian and beamed aboard the Defiant, where her wounds are treated in sickbay but _it’s just not the same without him. It’s just not the same with him around._

Later, Ezri sits by the shrouded body in the cargo hold when the doors swoosh open and Garak strides in. His posture, while calm and composed, does little to hide the grief in his eyes.

“So you’ve heard.” Ezri starts. “Who broke the news to you?”

“Colonel Kira.” Garak replies, plainly. “I do appreciate your concerns, but I assure you that I will cope with the _event_ just fine.” The way Garak frames it as merely an event is jarring, but Ezri knows that it takes time before it sets in.

“He died telling me that he _loved_ you.” Ezri puts out.

“Sentimental to the end.” Garak remarks. “I didn’t expect that we’d reunite this way.”

Ezri nods, and starts to get up. “Look, I’ll leave you two alone for now.”

When the doors close, Ezri catches a glimpse of Garak reaching for the edge of the shroud. He uncovers Julian’s face, and studies it intently.


	2. Chapter 2

**Ten Years Later**

“Ambassador.” Jean-Luc Picard sits opposite from Garak in the transport. “I’d just like to say that your trip to the memorial will be much appreciated by myself, and the Federation.”

Garak nods, but remains silent for a while. “I’d like to stop by the directory on the way in.”

“Are you looking for a particular grave?” Picard inquires. “I’m sorry to say that a number of our officers were never returned to Earth for burial.”

“I’m fairly sure he’s been brought back, Ambassador.” Garak insists. “Colonel Kira went to quite some lengths to ensure that he’d been returned.”

Thousands of names are inscribed on the marble colums and Garak walks alongside them, contemplatedly. The bloodiest conflict in Federation history. And it cost millions of lives elsewhere too.

“Ambassador?” Picard prompts, when they reach the oak tree, its branches long and overflowing. He looks over at the headstone next to it, and the name deeply etched into the hard stone. Thunder rolls a distance away, and rain has already begun to fall.

Lt. Cmdr.  
Julian Subatoi Bashir  
Medical Officer

“Hello, Julian,” Garak says, kneeling by the headstone. “It’s been a long time since we last met.” His finger scrapes the top of the rectangular headstone, and then moves to trace across his name. There’s no need to read the information beneath because it will bring back that memory, that memory exactly ten years from today.

“Would it be better for you if I left you alone?” Picard speaks up, solemnly. “I could meet up with you later.”

“That would be very much appreciated,” says Garak, without looking up.

* * *

  
Garak returns to meet Picard only half an hour later, and they walk back to the transport, silently. Picard only notices the absence of the perek flower from Garak’s breast pocket where it had previously been before.

“Did you come all the way here just for him?” Picard asks. “We could’ve come on another day when the weather was clearer.”

“It had to be today, Ambassador.” Garak replies. “I couldn’t possibly miss anniversaries.”

“What was the nature of your relationship with Doctor Bashir? From the way you spoke and your reluctance to leave, I would presume you were close.”

Garak blinks. Then he looks Picard in the eye and replies, “I’ll be open with you, Ambassador. There once was a man who loved me, and that man was him.”

Picard nods at this moment of genuine show of emotion. “My condolences.”

Garak accepts Picard’s words, and they remain silent for the rest of the trip.

 


End file.
